Not letting people in
by SaraShaw » Fri Jun 29, 2012 10:04 am For instance... I have a person who runs errands for me once per week. She is a friend of a friend (by friends I mean people I know and talk to me but wouldn't lift a finger for me if I need them). She does a great job but one time she offered to have her boyfriend redo my bathroom --(presumably at a discount) I never called him. I just thought that was a bad idea. What if I didn't like it? But I just didn't like the idea of her being that involved in my life. She did get upset by this.
Then I have a real estate agent. She is a nice lady but she kind of wants to be my friend I guess... but I don't want to be her's. I picked her because she is nice but she found out I was going on vacation and offered to watch my kitty. I was like um.. no. Your my real estate agent. I told her I had already gotten a pet sitter. Again that seems like a bad idea. If she messes up I would lose my real estate agent. She also wants to go to open houses with me... and I keep ditching her. What if I hate the place? She says that is her job to do that, but I know her commission will be tiny so I would feel horrible to drag her around like that. I can do open houses by myself... but I swear she wants to go with me because she has no friends and needs something to do. I just don't want her in my life that way. She isn't my friend. She is my real estate agent. I need her to stay that.
My errand lady also offered to pet sit but... I said no because I had the sitter already -- but really it was because I didn't want her into my life in more than one capacity.
I know, this is exactly how you make friends. Open your life to people and trust them completely.... but I am not like that. I barely let people in and if I do, it is in a limited focused capacity so they can't hurt me that much. This is a problem as other people see it as a rejection when I only want them in my life in a limited capacity.
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