Who's the Boss...Right Brain Creator & Left Brain Analyzer

A while back I got a book called Drawing on the right side of the brain by Betty Edwards... http://www.drawright.com/ Which teaches you how to draw by switching access from your left side of your brain to your right. Each side of the brain controls different functions.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic, detail oriented, facts rule, words and language, present and past, math and science, can comprehend, knowing, acknowledges, order/pattern perception, knows object name, reality based, forms strategies, practical, safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling, "big picture" oriented, imagination rules, symbols and images, present and future, philosophy & religion, can "get it" (i.e. meaning), believes, appreciates, spatial perception, knows object function, fantasy based, presents possibilities, impetuous ,risk taking

Which really explains a lot like why I have a hard time remembering names but I can easily remember faces. It also shows me why I can easily come up with some awesome ideas and have a hard time putting them into action because I'm so right brain dominant. What I lack is paying attention to the details. All the little things that have to be done to get stuff done. I really hate details tool...I just want to fly over things so quickly because I have no patience and I hate slowing down.

As I recall the books states that most activities in life require both modes of thinking, but a few activities require mainly one mode, without interference from he other. Betty says the brain likes to cheat, take the path of least resistance whenever possible and it will try to go over new actions and behaviors as quickly possible. The outcome might not be what you wanted. Like attempting to draw Garfield but winding up with stick cat .


The best way to do it is to shift the brain from the left speedy know it all to the slower more tkae your time and concentrate right brain. Betty does this by forcing you to draw upside down that way you trick your mind and it makes the right brain switch.

But I find my problem is switching off the right brain (the Dream Maker) and getting the left brain (the Executor) started to focus on the details and get the job done. This leads to a lot of stuff that doesn't get done, a lot of procrastination, a lot projects half finished or never even begun, but worse yet Apathy.

But there is also a way to shift from the right brain to the left and that's simply ordering yourself to do it out loud. Since using words and language is a Left Brain function, by simply ordering yourself to get up and wash the dishes, or get up and wash your clothes, run a mile, pay your bills, etc...then you have just walked out the dream world of your right mind and into the real world of your life left brain. I have done this many times and never realized this until now. Many times I would simply yell at myself to get started and I would get started somehow. What I was doing it simply switching off my creative right brain and kick starting my reality left brain. Pretty cool huh..the yin and yang thing at work.

I think I might be able to actually find a sense of balance between both sides of my life, the dream world and the real world; where things require action to be done.

If you were wondering. Women tend to be more left brain and men are more right brain...Men sense a situation and takes action intuitively (though his responses may be very restricted). He does not go through a long internal verbal process in choosing his path - he reacts, knowing it is right for him to do so.

As a woman, on the other hand, will have long debates in their head before they make a decision or take some action. Such internal thinking and debating are left brain activities. You can read all about it here...http://www.helpself.com/brain.htm

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?

Wall of Confusion...missed opportunites...concealed LIFE

There is magic all around us, every minute, everyday, every hour, every breath we live...there's magic. But sometimes we can't see it. For there is a wall of confusion that surrounds us that keeps locked in. Its distracts us from the what is, the here and now, and the opportunities that life presents us.

Sometimes we see the opportunities but they appear skewed and like pests we swat them away. Sometimes the wall is so big we can't see the opportunities and beauty around us. We simply walk past missing all the doors we could have opened or all the roses we could have smelled. Sometimes I feel like Psyduck who is always in a state of confusion. He is definitely locked in his 12th house.

I recently have been bombarded with opportunities and well I find myself looking at them as annoyances rather than good fortune. I was just not prepared for them and really wanted things to remain the same.

The wall of confusion can appear at times because of our health, the food we eat, sometimes it's stress, the weather, fatigue, sickness, illness. If we wake up feeling like shit as if we downed a whole bottle of Jack Daniels... this distracts us from the awesomeness of the day. It's a great sunny day, you are alive, you are healthy, you have unlimited potential, but you feel like crap so you can't feel it and can't see it. There is stuff that needs to be done in your house but you can't see it over the wall.

But the wall can be so comforting right. Maybe the wall is there to protect us from what's out there but it also keeps us from living what's out there...which is life. I'm not hoping for a life of lucidity all the time but awakening to life I can veto most of the shit the kills it and keeps me from enjoying the party. Maybe all I need is Rock and Roll.

A lot of people in live behind this wall. Some people spend their whole lives behind it. Which is fine. People go through their whole lives just fine living behind the wall. Its like in the play Our Town by Thorton Wilder where the whole world is asleep and only Emily is awake and really able to experience and appreciate things. Some people are not able to get beyond it and that is fine. But for me the wall of confusion robs me of my life or the joy of it.

I went on vacation last year to Panama and couldn't enjoy it because I was stuck behind this wall. I was too busy in some illusion or some spell that casted a wall so that I couldn't enjoy myself. Sometimes at work I realize that I also create problems just to distract me and this casts a wall around me. I was watching the Olympics the other day and same thing, I could not appreciate everything that was going on, all the countries coming together to compete in honest and worthy competition. How sad that I can not enjoy such things when I'm stuck behind this great big wall that at times seems so impossible to get out from.

All I can say is it really sucks. But I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I'll walk past someone and say hi but they don't return the courtesy and well i just realize they are behind a wall. They can't see me, they can't hear me, they can't get out and they may never get out.

It would be sad to wake up twenty years from now and only then realize a purpose, a dream or an intention. A look back and say what happened to so and so...where did they go. Where did I go, what did I do. I wonder how much of my life is hidden from me by the wall of confusion. How many thing go by on a daily basis that i miss out on. This is something that I recently have become aware of. Letting my feelings control my outlook when my feelings and perception are simply reacting to some insanity like a bad lunch. I had one those yesterday and when I looked back I wondered what the hell happened I was fine the first part of the day but the second half was a shitter. It was one bad lunch. I'm still feeling the effect of a BAD LUNCH this morning and well maybe I need a good breakfast to set me right.

Power of Art...Power UP, Power ON

"Become an artist
of power; elevate and
enlighten others."

(Laurence H. Williams)

When life becomes stagnant as a puddle of water that has no flow its time to find that spark that can elevate us. That good thing...where have you gone sort of deal, it's always there its just behind the wall of confusion.

That's been my ideas lately that I find it hard to experience the real and living in the moment for the wall of crap that is around me. Sometimes the wall of confusion comes from something you eat sometimes it comes from fatigue or sickness. But there is a wonderful existence out there but sometimes its just so hard to see over the wall. That's when we need power of art to elevate us.

TO EXPERIENCE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT CLICK PLAY AND ENJOY.

Empty the Cup...Fill it Up...THE BIG EMPTY

Emptying the cup, a Taoism principle, might sound easy but keeping it empty is very hard. No sooner do i give up the activities in my life that waste my time that I fall into some other activity that wastes my time.

I've fallen into the trap of being a blogger hunter. Simply going from blog to blog now wasting my precious time. Things I wouldn't do if i was doing something else and things that i would never if i was having fun or had found something to do worth my while. All in all i’m seeking to avoid the BIG EMPTY.

Maybe that's what we're all escaping in life that Big Empty feeling of not moving, not going anywhere, or getting anything. Of simply watching life pass by before your eyes and losing at the game called life..."This is your life, okay bob, tell him what he's won," and you consolation prize is..."

Somehow we may think we are all players but maybe some of us are only spectators. Or Shit you only go around once so let me do it all. In the end maybe you wind up doing nothing because you did everything.

But why is it so hard to do nothing. To sit for a while and let go of it all. I get a hollow feeling inside that tells me i have to fill up my life and time with all of this and that sometimes i fill my life with the the usual suspects and well then i can't see all the other stuff that needs to get done or heck i don't' even know what the weather going to be like today. Some days I don't even know what day of the week it is. I can't see where I'm going, I don't know where I am, I don't know what I'm doing here. Funny, I never have to face these feelings when I'm filled with all the crap in life. Gosh I really miss the crap too.

Emptying your cup and letting go of the stuff that fills your life that isn't good for you or healthy or just simply waste your time and sabotage it well, is very hard cause maybe when we git rid of it all we are left with nothing. ThE BIG EMPTY AGAIN. We feel nothing, we feel something is missing, we feel scared of it, its the dark tunnel with no end in sight, we are missing our chance, but did we really ever have a chance, now we face the question and we may not like the answer. We're suppose to do, be, and become something in life but there is no light at the end of the tunnel...just the Big Empty inside. And its scares me, it hurts, its painful, its filled with the darkside of life that we avoid like the plague. IN THE MOVIE FIGHT CLUB, Ed Norton's character Jack has a happy place, but Tyler Darden tells him to stop avoiding the pain, he needs to feel the pain.

Tyler: Yes it hurts, but pain is good. you feel the pain, but at the same time you feel strength - because you know you're alive - and what does not kill you, makes you stronger. After you really feel incredible - somehow you just get turned off - in a good way. You stop worrying, you start living in the moment, you somehow feel more powerful - just as Tyler said - you feel like you can deal with anything.

so Stay with the pain, don't shut this out...Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing...Stop it, this is your pain, it's right here...What you're feeling is pre-mature enlightenment...This is the greatest moment of your life man and you're off somewhere missing it...First you have to give up, first you have to know, not fear, know that someday you're gonna die. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Learn how to die and you learn how to live. Decide what is most important to you and dedicate your life to it. Stay with reality, don't avoid it or explain it away. This is it, make the most of the situation you are given. Don't become attached to it. Appreciate it, experience it, do your best and let go.

I want to avoid the pain of the Big Empty and go into my cave of sanctuary, I wanna fill in the void with distractions: Horoscopes, technology news, eating, cooking, watching movies. So many things out there, the internet is full of it, so is the radio, and the cell phone, and the magazines, and the crap all around us. And lets not pass on the biggest filler of them all LOVE... I need fill up my life with them all.....

... but then I wonder why nothing ever gets done.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. - yes. Imagine you don't have anything in life. Nobody, nothing. Nothing to lose. Only then are you completely free, because you don't care, you just do it, you live it, you are alive. And that is what we need to do, awaken, open our eyes to the truth...

okay Tyler Darden
I'm WIDE AWAKE

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner...My New Toy...Karaoke Man

Got this for my birthday. What can I say its what I've always been looking for but never knew I wanted or needed it. Hmmm. Well you see i love singing. Its a complete form of self expression because it not only involves the body, but also the mind, and also the heart. Singing is very good for your health and you should do it whether you are good at it or not.



Now I can come home and sing to my heart's content. With no one to criticize or to judge just pure clean fun like grandma use to make.

But its funny how long it might take us to find the things that can make us happy. I pursued a career in music at my early age. As a teen i was in a several bands for short periods of time. Teenagers don't commit to anything for very long. One day they want to be in a band the next day they are thinking about marrying their girlfriend or they are moving away or joining the army. So the story goes. But for me no matter where I went it just wasn't a good match. But now I realize that all I ever wanted was to sing. Now I have it. I guess it all comes to you in time. When the time is right. No need to rush. Much of the best times of my life seem so short lived. My childhood, my adolescence, my young adult hood. Well I'm still young but I dream of being 10 again climbing trees and racing bikes and playing kickball on the street. The days when my mother would call me in from playing for dinner and I would eat so fast just to go out and play again. Hmmm, it may sound that I live in the past a lot but I suppose I just miss the fun I used to have. But now with Karaoke Man I will be having some fun....He he. .

Yin will overcome Yang...like water overcomes rock

Pentax *istDs 50-200DA

Gosh the idea of yin overcoming yang has been on my mind all day. As I thought more about it I realize how the cycles of yin and yang play out. Even with this past election, the yang were over come by the yin. This is the cycle of life. It how it maintains balance. For it might seem that the underdogs have won in life but it is really balance being brought fourth. Look at the Chinese who are prospering while the rest of the world is in despair. Look all around you and you will those which were once quiet have gained a certain voice and spotlight. But eventually those that are yin will become yang and someone else will over come them. it's just the balance of life.

I've been seeing and feeling a lot of balance in my life. The last few yeas have been hard financially. This year I'm seeing more balance, not so much prosperity or gain but more of a coming back to balance. For me its not about one destroying the other for one can not exist without the other for example the sun needs the moon. There is balance in it. Hot needs cold, man needs woman, young needs old, and so on.


Tackling the more dangerous and hardest obstacles in life can all be achieved by the principle of YIN. The soft

Pentax *istDs 50-200DA

Trying to grab this cactus with our bare hands would be foolish. But did you know its is because we fear the cactus that causes us to tense up. If we would maintain softness in our hands the needles would have a harder time penetrating our skin. There is valuable lesson here to be used in all of life.

Chapter 36: "Lao Tzu...further said, 'The soft and weak can overcome the hard and strong."

Chapter 43: "The softest in the world gallops over the hardest in the world."

Chapter 78: "Nothing in the world is softer and weaker than water, yet for attacking the had and strong, nothing can be better, for there is no substitute for it."

Chapter 78: "That the weak overcomes the strong, and the soft overcomes the hard, everyone in the world understands...."

There are many things in life that we want but we forcefully try to get them using yang but really if we simply relax and try softer we may be able to get what we want with out forcing it which often leads to disaster or some big mess that takes years or even a lifetime to get over.

We won't get everything we want in life, no one does as the Rolling Stones said, "You don't always get what you want but if you try some time you get what you need. I think we usually get what we want when it bring a chance for balance in our lives...
When our lives are out of sort we needs to soften up and let balance in.

Youth Gone Wild...where did it all go...

I grew up in the eighties. It was a time of some fucking awesome shit. It was the world at its craziest from movies, to fashion, but nothing beats its music. Maybe it was a collective stemming from the sixties and Vietnam era. I could also say that it was a planetary alignment that created it. Starting with Kiss who influenced many bands.

People had been influenced by Black Sabbath, Stones, and Led Zeppelin. When I was a kid my friend James would always wear either a Black Sabbath, Rush, or Led Zeppelin shirt. Either way the eighties did something to people's brains it blew them out like a pair of underwear that just won't fit right again because the elastic has been stretched. I find myself bored with the shit that comes out of Hollywood, on the radio, even the internet and you tube. There is just so much shit and let's really really CALL IT SHIT. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS SHIT. There is too much of it. Every guy and their brother has a band and they're on You tube but they suck according the the 80's standards but these days who cares right. There is no sense of anything real anymore its all companies making shit happen putting things together and everyone wants to be a rock star or a movie star or a porn star or famous or a superstar but the sad thing is they don't have any talent.

The 80'S music in particular was so wild and radical and rebellious with bands like Skid Row, Guns and Roses, and Motley Crue who lived the whole wild excessive life style. We as their fans lived vicariously through them. But when I look at the energy these bands had I wonder where it all went. I know these guys got older but I'm looking at the youth now, the music now, the movies and tv now, everything is lame, boring, nice, and gay (not in the sexual way). Everyone seems to lack fire in their bellies. Everyone is so sadly EMO.

After the eighties came the nineties with Nirvana and pearl jam which were fine bands but a total opposite of the eighties kings of rock. The late eighties, it was apparent the pool of talent had been exhausted as so many Poser bands turned up just to collect a paycheck. The ones that had had talent had exhausted theirs and their music suffered, they grew up, got married, had kids, went on with life. The nineties was a period of depressive music with so many people it seems were hooked on heroin. Nirvana was on heroin, Cobain died from a heroin addiction. The pre singer to pearl jam from died of heroin, Scott Wieland the singer for STP hooked on heroin, Lane Stayley the singer of Alice in Chains died of heroin. I'm sure there were other bands there and they were hooked on heroin too. It was almost as if the 80's was all about cocaine and the 90's were all about heroin. Maybe the world needs to get back on coke...just kidding. But I still wonder where did all the energy go.

Aren't people fired about anything anymore. Or have we just become a scared nation to really speak out. I think the only person i see who has any fire in his belly is Gordon Ramsey about his cooking. I don't know. But its not like aggression has left but it just seems like there is new crop of people they just arrived on the planet and they have no idea what went on. Everything is new to them but they have such a cold and watery sense to everything. There is no fire. Have someone try to sing Monkey Business by Skid Row and they couldn't do it cause everything is so restrained. Wanna hear it ...well okay




Or maybe we as people evolved from that time. We as a people don't feel and believe as we did back then. I think we owe to technology. Boredom is the necessary element to art, Good art and insanity and boredom is the recipe for great art. Ask Salvador Dali. I think if Dali had been alive now he would not have painted so much, he'd be hooked to facebook, or myspace, or flickr, or chat rooms or some fucking weird art site.

THE RAMONES SAID IT BEST I WANNA BE SEDATED. WE ARE A SEDATED CIVILIZATION, A SEDATED NATION. A SEDATED WORLD. While Cocaine was the drug of the 80's, Heroin the drug of the 90's, technology has become the drug of the millennium. 2010 has just started what will be the new drug. Maybe virtual food...

I don't think people get bored enough these days because there is always something to get plugged into. The internet, cellphones, Ipods, i phones, chat rooms, porn rooms, video games, the Wii, heck i was walking through the store today and saw a skateboard that looked so much like the hover board from the back to the future movies...it was for the Nintendo Wii and you could play a game on the computer as if you were skate boarding...instead of actually going on and doing the shit real time, live. They also have this for tennis, bowling, and darts. and if you want to be a rock star JUST LOAD UP ROCK BAND ON THE WII OR PLAYSTATION. Sure its fun but it keeps you from the real thing. You don't' have to go fishing at a lake just do it in a virtual game. You don't have to date just have a virtual relationship, virtual sex, virtual life, virtual emotions. :)

Nothing is real anymore. Kids don't go play outside, run around block, play kick ball, or climb trees they sit in front of the computer doing all this shit in their brains. We've lost touch with reality. We can't wait for the next tech thing, we can't wait for the next software update for this or that, we got to have it now. if you feel Feel happy, text someone about it, feel sad go on you-tube and listen to a song, feel angry go on facebook and rant.

I think this age Aquarius people are living more and more in their heads. The eighties was all carnal, rough, real, sex, angry, loud, there was cold war around, Ronald Reagan was in office, we hated the Soviet Union, our technology was weak. But now our technology is taking over our lives, our minds, it has become our new god, and well we've lost something really really important that we will never get back...

i'm on a quest to get bored again. So i can actually do some awesome creating. I've unplugged from the net. Not hitting my usual joints that suck up my time. I find myself with a lot of time now that i don't know what to do with. Well that's just what I need. When i was plugged in I was always out of time always feeling tired. Tomorrow i think i'll go for long walk.
PS...none of the pictures for this post were taken by me but it does lead me in a direction i want to go

Happy Birthday...to me

Pentax *ist DS, 50-200 DA

It's my birthday and I'll cry if i want to.

Sometimes the days we would think are the best turn out to be the worst and one could wonder why a person's birthday could be so bad. Today was actually a good day. I woke up, make myself this awesome spinach and burger omelet with two slices of toast washed down with a some orange juice and then had a cup of coffee with a scoop of vanilla ice cream(if you haven't tried this, it's the best) and a hand full of mini oatmeal cookies. Went to work for a nice seven hour shift, it was busy enough to let the time pass without noticing it, then went on through to come home and visit my parents who had a pizza for me. My sister was there, the dog, my dad, and my mom. It was nice but I had not really spent much time together...Today i was actually feeling like my old self. I had had an epiphany about myself these last few days that really has answered questions about my life. And I was feeling good.

After pizza we had cake and after that my dad played happy birthday on his keyboard I taped him on my cell phone camera and my sister and my mother gave me their gifts. My sister gave me a stylus tablet to use with photoshop but Iwill be returning it to get a karaoke machine instead. Its what I want. Its what I really like to do. My mother's gift was a strange one.

But let me start by saying that I have this innate instinctive sense about things. I know when something is up, i don't know how, i just do. Like going to work yesterday there was this manager there from another park and when I saw him I got a strange feeling from him. I realized that I just didn't like him. Something about him just made me feel that there is something not good about him.

So when I was with my parents today I saw then as indifferent with each other. My sister wasn't talking, my mother and father weren't' talking it was like i was at a party with myself and these people who i happen to know were there just because they had to be. I"m sure they wanted to be but the energy was low.

Sometimes its just so much easier to celebrate with myself than to have people celebrate with you that really don't want to or their minds and hearts are somewhere else. Last Thanksgiving i had one of the best thanks givings with a just some stove top, gravy from a can, and a chicken breast. When I finished my novel last Feb i opened up a bottle of champagne i got from a photoshoot and celebrated by myself. I must say i throw some of the coolest parties and when i'm by myself i dont have to worry about others having a good time.


I'm not a materialistic person either. I could give a damn about getting presents. I guess i just like spending time with people and well the best gift to give me is to share something about yourself rather than to try to buy me off, I mean I can work I can buy my own stuff. So when my mother gave me her gift, I felt bought. It was as if she was giving me this gift to buy me. I wont say what it is but . I told her i would not accept it, she said I should take it to use it for what ever i like and I told her no. I would have preferred a photograph of her as a child since I know very little about my mother. She's not the sharing type, me i share too much. I know very little about that women other than her actions. I don't know about her childhood, what she wanted and any of that stuff. So for her to give me a gift as she did was more like she was trying to buy me and I will not be bought and owned by anyone. It's just how i feel about things.

I find the pleasure in seeing other people happy. I got to hear my dad play his keyboard which I know makes him happy. We sat around watching the dog go crazy at the sound of fireworks. For me this is what makes me happy being around this. My fondness memory of my dad is when he use to take me and my sister to mow lawns at an apartment building he owned. After we finished the yard work we would throw the freesbie around. Then we'd go to burger king. It was simple, it was nice, it was a golden moment.

I remember this movie called Cinder-fella. It stars Jerry Lewis. In the movie Jerry Lewis lives with his step mother and his two step brothers in Jerry's fathers' house. The whole movie is simply about the step mother and brother trying to find the fortune that buried in the house. Jerry is only looking for kindness, family which is why is puts up with the abuse. In the end when he realizes that they don't love him they only want his money he gives it to them and walks away. But the mother has a change of heart and leaves the money be. All Jerry wanted was family.
Wikipedia does a better job at explaining the plot.

Plot

When Fella's (Jerry Lewis) father dies, he continues to live with his wicked stepmother, Emily (Judith Anderson) and her two sons, Maximilian (Henry Silva) and Rupert (Robert Hutton). His stepfamily takes over the family mansion, while Fella is reduced to living in an unfinished room at the end of a long hallway. He has in essence become their butler, catering to their every whim.

Fella dreams nightly that his father is trying to relay a message to him about where he has hidden his fortune, but he always awakens before he learns the hiding place. His stepfamily knows of this secret fortune and they go to great lengths to try to discover its whereabouts. They pretend to befriend him in order to wrangle his fortune away once it is found.

Princess Charmine of the Grand Duchy of Morovia (Anna Maria Alberghetti) is in town and the stepmother decides to throw her a lavish ball in order to get her to marry one of her sons. Fella isn't allowed to go to the ball, but his fairy godfather (Ed Wynn) tells him that he won't remain a "people" much longer, but will blossom into a "person".

On the evening of the ball, Fella is turned into a handsome prince and sent to the ball in a limousine. Count Basie is playing at the ball when Fella makes his grand entrance. The young man quickly gains the attention of the Princess. The night is cut short when midnight strikes and Fella flees, losing his shoe along the way.

Back home, one of Fella's stepbrothers realizes that Fella is the supposed "prince." They wind up in a struggle under a tree, in the process discovering that that is where Fella's father's fortune is hidden. Fella gives the money to his stepfamily, telling them that he never needed money to be happy, he only wanted a family. Shamed, his stepmother orders her sons to return the money to Fella.

The Princess arrives with Fella's lost shoe, but Fella explains that they could never be together because she is a "person" and he is a "people". She tells him that underneath the fancy clothes she is a "people" too.

This is also the story of Jane Eyre and the central theme of many of my stories.

So all is not well in Never never land. I got a feeling that something is up. I love my freedom. I like having to face my life on my own. I don't want to feel obligated to someone and my mother is always trying to reel me back in. It's like she can't stand for me to have my peace and time to myself. I don't know the gist of what is going on. But there something up. So who knows. But it just kind of but a damper on a pretty good day. Not that it ended terribly but it was just something i didn't expect. My mother is an Aquarius so she can surprise me from time to time.

Big City in a Small Town

Downtown looks big but its so small. It's nothing like New York City or Los Angeles. It takes about five minutes to drive right through downtown if you miss all the lights and don't look around at the distracting bars and clubs around. But its growing bit by bit and the skyline really adds a dimension with its shapes. Architecture can be so interesting especially in black and white

Spring Cleaning...Out with OLd...let in the New

Pentax *ist D - MC Auto 135 2.8 M

I was reading a blog the other day and the author was talking about how it was a new year and she had all these hopes and aspirations because as with any new endeavor the possibilities are endless. I usually have this naive enthusiasm at the beginning of every year but this year I think it hit me late because of so many things going on. But I think it finally hit me. I started doing some spring cleaning. I cleaned out my big closet of old boxes and threw out some old clothes that I had been meaning to take to Goodwill but I realized i was never going to get there so I just three them away. Sorry.

So three big bags of stuff went out and I made room in my closet so I can put some photo equipment in there. So I'm not sure what new resolutions I should be working on. But I do know one thing. Its a new year and I feel new. Last month was a lot of inner reflection and realization to avoid the self defeating behavior. Now I guess I need to start living. I'm going to find more thing that I like to do and do them for the fun and not for some great dream of becoming a millionaire or becoming famous. Blah who needs the shit anyway. The more things you own the more thing that wind up owning you, whether it be material things or even friends and family. Sometimes I don't even get to enjoy my days off because family has things for me to do or there is some maintenance to take care of.

Yeah I can see this year being one of having fun, enjoying thing in real time and not living so much in virtual reality. A new year, a new camera, a new out look, a new life. Going for it. But keeping a few old things in the back pocket as well. Oldies are still goodies.

Crazy Beautiful...HeartBeat City

Pentax *istD - 18-55DA

Getting in touch with the things I enjoy I'm learning to realize what kind of photography I want to do and why. There's always the temptation of wanting to do weddings and events and what not for the money is great if you can get but in the end it becomes such a business that there is hardly any art in it.

I'm letting go of wanting to do things for the money, since its been my drive for so long that I wind up killing my darlings, all the things I enjoy, Music, movies, writing, and now photography, all victim to my insatiable hunger to make money off the things that I love and enjoy. No more.

After skimming the hundreds of photo-blogs and photographer sites I realized what I don't want to do. i don't want to take cutesy little portraits and family photos that everyone else is taking. I don't want to shoot wedding, heck I don't even believe in love and shit I would be doing it for the money and I am a whore no more.

I realized what I do want to photograph. I like flowers and street photography but I also want to shoot models. I want to create crazy beautiful pictures like the one above. This was taken a little over a year ago with the ist D. It renders pictures so much like film that I'm totally reconsidering selling it. I mean its just has this really soft focus that manages to give it a such a surreal like. This photo of Professional Model Carissa Davis reminds me so much of the Car's Heartbeat City album. The look on Carissa's and the Model in the Car's album is priceless for there so much in the eyes and face. I look forward to a new beginning and a new outlook. It definitely gives me something to feel excited about. Almost like Xmas when i was a kid.

Fun with Fashion...Nailuj Villarroel Couture

Pentax *istDS -SMC 18-55 DA

I'm trying to recapture the fun element in life. I want to get back to taking more shots like this. This was a very fun shoot but I realized how badly i need an assistant. With so many different lighting changes and different locations. This was done at the top of a parking lot. The model is fashion designer Nailuj Villarroel, wearing her couture.