Sunday, February 14, 2010

Wall of Confusion...missed opportunites...concealed LIFE

There is magic all around us, every minute, everyday, every hour, every breath we live...there's magic. But sometimes we can't see it. For there is a wall of confusion that surrounds us that keeps locked in. Its distracts us from the what is, the here and now, and the opportunities that life presents us.

Sometimes we see the opportunities but they appear skewed and like pests we swat them away. Sometimes the wall is so big we can't see the opportunities and beauty around us. We simply walk past missing all the doors we could have opened or all the roses we could have smelled. Sometimes I feel like Psyduck who is always in a state of confusion. He is definitely locked in his 12th house.

I recently have been bombarded with opportunities and well I find myself looking at them as annoyances rather than good fortune. I was just not prepared for them and really wanted things to remain the same.

The wall of confusion can appear at times because of our health, the food we eat, sometimes it's stress, the weather, fatigue, sickness, illness. If we wake up feeling like shit as if we downed a whole bottle of Jack Daniels... this distracts us from the awesomeness of the day. It's a great sunny day, you are alive, you are healthy, you have unlimited potential, but you feel like crap so you can't feel it and can't see it. There is stuff that needs to be done in your house but you can't see it over the wall.

But the wall can be so comforting right. Maybe the wall is there to protect us from what's out there but it also keeps us from living what's out there...which is life. I'm not hoping for a life of lucidity all the time but awakening to life I can veto most of the shit the kills it and keeps me from enjoying the party. Maybe all I need is Rock and Roll.

A lot of people in live behind this wall. Some people spend their whole lives behind it. Which is fine. People go through their whole lives just fine living behind the wall. Its like in the play Our Town by Thorton Wilder where the whole world is asleep and only Emily is awake and really able to experience and appreciate things. Some people are not able to get beyond it and that is fine. But for me the wall of confusion robs me of my life or the joy of it.

I went on vacation last year to Panama and couldn't enjoy it because I was stuck behind this wall. I was too busy in some illusion or some spell that casted a wall so that I couldn't enjoy myself. Sometimes at work I realize that I also create problems just to distract me and this casts a wall around me. I was watching the Olympics the other day and same thing, I could not appreciate everything that was going on, all the countries coming together to compete in honest and worthy competition. How sad that I can not enjoy such things when I'm stuck behind this great big wall that at times seems so impossible to get out from.

All I can say is it really sucks. But I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I'll walk past someone and say hi but they don't return the courtesy and well i just realize they are behind a wall. They can't see me, they can't hear me, they can't get out and they may never get out.

It would be sad to wake up twenty years from now and only then realize a purpose, a dream or an intention. A look back and say what happened to so and so...where did they go. Where did I go, what did I do. I wonder how much of my life is hidden from me by the wall of confusion. How many thing go by on a daily basis that i miss out on. This is something that I recently have become aware of. Letting my feelings control my outlook when my feelings and perception are simply reacting to some insanity like a bad lunch. I had one those yesterday and when I looked back I wondered what the hell happened I was fine the first part of the day but the second half was a shitter. It was one bad lunch. I'm still feeling the effect of a BAD LUNCH this morning and well maybe I need a good breakfast to set me right.


Posted by Picasa

No comments:

Post a Comment