Happy Birthday...to me

Pentax *ist DS, 50-200 DA

It's my birthday and I'll cry if i want to.

Sometimes the days we would think are the best turn out to be the worst and one could wonder why a person's birthday could be so bad. Today was actually a good day. I woke up, make myself this awesome spinach and burger omelet with two slices of toast washed down with a some orange juice and then had a cup of coffee with a scoop of vanilla ice cream(if you haven't tried this, it's the best) and a hand full of mini oatmeal cookies. Went to work for a nice seven hour shift, it was busy enough to let the time pass without noticing it, then went on through to come home and visit my parents who had a pizza for me. My sister was there, the dog, my dad, and my mom. It was nice but I had not really spent much time together...Today i was actually feeling like my old self. I had had an epiphany about myself these last few days that really has answered questions about my life. And I was feeling good.

After pizza we had cake and after that my dad played happy birthday on his keyboard I taped him on my cell phone camera and my sister and my mother gave me their gifts. My sister gave me a stylus tablet to use with photoshop but Iwill be returning it to get a karaoke machine instead. Its what I want. Its what I really like to do. My mother's gift was a strange one.

But let me start by saying that I have this innate instinctive sense about things. I know when something is up, i don't know how, i just do. Like going to work yesterday there was this manager there from another park and when I saw him I got a strange feeling from him. I realized that I just didn't like him. Something about him just made me feel that there is something not good about him.

So when I was with my parents today I saw then as indifferent with each other. My sister wasn't talking, my mother and father weren't' talking it was like i was at a party with myself and these people who i happen to know were there just because they had to be. I"m sure they wanted to be but the energy was low.

Sometimes its just so much easier to celebrate with myself than to have people celebrate with you that really don't want to or their minds and hearts are somewhere else. Last Thanksgiving i had one of the best thanks givings with a just some stove top, gravy from a can, and a chicken breast. When I finished my novel last Feb i opened up a bottle of champagne i got from a photoshoot and celebrated by myself. I must say i throw some of the coolest parties and when i'm by myself i dont have to worry about others having a good time.


I'm not a materialistic person either. I could give a damn about getting presents. I guess i just like spending time with people and well the best gift to give me is to share something about yourself rather than to try to buy me off, I mean I can work I can buy my own stuff. So when my mother gave me her gift, I felt bought. It was as if she was giving me this gift to buy me. I wont say what it is but . I told her i would not accept it, she said I should take it to use it for what ever i like and I told her no. I would have preferred a photograph of her as a child since I know very little about my mother. She's not the sharing type, me i share too much. I know very little about that women other than her actions. I don't know about her childhood, what she wanted and any of that stuff. So for her to give me a gift as she did was more like she was trying to buy me and I will not be bought and owned by anyone. It's just how i feel about things.

I find the pleasure in seeing other people happy. I got to hear my dad play his keyboard which I know makes him happy. We sat around watching the dog go crazy at the sound of fireworks. For me this is what makes me happy being around this. My fondness memory of my dad is when he use to take me and my sister to mow lawns at an apartment building he owned. After we finished the yard work we would throw the freesbie around. Then we'd go to burger king. It was simple, it was nice, it was a golden moment.

I remember this movie called Cinder-fella. It stars Jerry Lewis. In the movie Jerry Lewis lives with his step mother and his two step brothers in Jerry's fathers' house. The whole movie is simply about the step mother and brother trying to find the fortune that buried in the house. Jerry is only looking for kindness, family which is why is puts up with the abuse. In the end when he realizes that they don't love him they only want his money he gives it to them and walks away. But the mother has a change of heart and leaves the money be. All Jerry wanted was family.
Wikipedia does a better job at explaining the plot.

Plot

When Fella's (Jerry Lewis) father dies, he continues to live with his wicked stepmother, Emily (Judith Anderson) and her two sons, Maximilian (Henry Silva) and Rupert (Robert Hutton). His stepfamily takes over the family mansion, while Fella is reduced to living in an unfinished room at the end of a long hallway. He has in essence become their butler, catering to their every whim.

Fella dreams nightly that his father is trying to relay a message to him about where he has hidden his fortune, but he always awakens before he learns the hiding place. His stepfamily knows of this secret fortune and they go to great lengths to try to discover its whereabouts. They pretend to befriend him in order to wrangle his fortune away once it is found.

Princess Charmine of the Grand Duchy of Morovia (Anna Maria Alberghetti) is in town and the stepmother decides to throw her a lavish ball in order to get her to marry one of her sons. Fella isn't allowed to go to the ball, but his fairy godfather (Ed Wynn) tells him that he won't remain a "people" much longer, but will blossom into a "person".

On the evening of the ball, Fella is turned into a handsome prince and sent to the ball in a limousine. Count Basie is playing at the ball when Fella makes his grand entrance. The young man quickly gains the attention of the Princess. The night is cut short when midnight strikes and Fella flees, losing his shoe along the way.

Back home, one of Fella's stepbrothers realizes that Fella is the supposed "prince." They wind up in a struggle under a tree, in the process discovering that that is where Fella's father's fortune is hidden. Fella gives the money to his stepfamily, telling them that he never needed money to be happy, he only wanted a family. Shamed, his stepmother orders her sons to return the money to Fella.

The Princess arrives with Fella's lost shoe, but Fella explains that they could never be together because she is a "person" and he is a "people". She tells him that underneath the fancy clothes she is a "people" too.

This is also the story of Jane Eyre and the central theme of many of my stories.

So all is not well in Never never land. I got a feeling that something is up. I love my freedom. I like having to face my life on my own. I don't want to feel obligated to someone and my mother is always trying to reel me back in. It's like she can't stand for me to have my peace and time to myself. I don't know the gist of what is going on. But there something up. So who knows. But it just kind of but a damper on a pretty good day. Not that it ended terribly but it was just something i didn't expect. My mother is an Aquarius so she can surprise me from time to time.