TIME FOR CHANGE

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If you always do what you've always done, you will always be where you've always been.

I got this quote from a trainer at AOL.  I worked there for a few months and I remember the guy, BILL, use to say this trying to motivate people to change thier lives and work for AOL.  He said working for AOL changed his life for the better.   I don't know if he created the quote but it stuck with me.

Ask yourself where you will be five years from now.  Sure there is no real way to know this because even the best planned endeavors can go awry.  But you can guarantee that if things stay the same as they are now you will be in the same place and that may be good or bad depending on who you are.  Time flies when your having fun and it flies even faster when you have a dream that you are putting off.

Ten years go by and you look back and wonder where did they go.  Twenty years go buy and you wonder what did I do.  Thirty go buy and you don't wonder anything anymore cause you can't even remember.

If there was or is something you've always wanted to do, now is the time to do it.  Get started now.  Right away.  It doesn't have to be big but just get started.  If you've always wanted to do yoga well bend over a chair and stretch.  There you have begun. Now you can look up yoga classes and further you journey.

We can't predict the future but we can work on our lives to change them.  Life is unpredictable but living consciously and choosing a path is better than simply accepting what ever comes are our way especially if we have a choice and we do.  Choose it, live it, own it.   TO QUOTE the FONZE aka HENRY WINKLER, "Be there, wherever you are cause you want to be there."

Mastering Not Giving a Damn

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Dr House is the master of not giving a damn.  He gets away with a lot, a lot more than what most people can but maybe its not getting away with but a FREEDOM he has by not caring.

There is trap in caring.  It creates a need to not offend, to not destroy, to not do poorly, to not wrong anyone or anything, to keep things nice and the same in essence caring creates FEAR. 

Mythology says FEAR COMES FROM SATURN
Saturn's energy creates fear and darkness in the mind.  He makes us doubt ourselves, doubt even the Divine and makes us prey to
dark fears, fantasies and phobias.  Saturn encumbers our freedom and keeping things the same through fear and anxiety. 

Fear keeps us from doing and trying anything new.  It keeps us from expressing our selves, from saying or doing the wrong things but worst of all it keeps us from being HONEST. 

THE LIE
"Is my butt too big."
"No, Dear, your butt looks like it did when you were twenty years old."


THE TRUTH
"is my butt too big."
"Yeah its huge when are you going to do something about it, I'm not attracted to you at all.  Shit did I just say this."


TRUTH IS A  BITCH.  TRUTH HURTS LIKE A BAD OPERATION WITHOUT ANESTHESIA

I've fallen back to my old self of caring.  I don't know from where or when it crawled up on me for I had driven out to the country side and left it for dead on the side of the road, but now here it is again.  All that hard work.  Damn.  I've been giving a damn lately.  Caring about what other think, not wanting to step on any toes, overvaluing others and devaluing myself, falling into the trap of not wanting to offend, feeling helpless and powerless I have become institutionalized to my job.  Emerson would not be proud with my conformity.  I've become small minded and fearful.  


How to get out of this. ENTER URANUS

Uranus is the planet associated with freedom and revolutionary vision, the urge for change and the ability to visualize new possibilities.  It doesn't give a damn, its a rebel.  Uranus sees no need for the status quo, preferring instead to break with tradition and create a new mold.  URANUS BREAKS THE RULES.

Do something bad.  Not illegal but bad.  Break the rules a bit, make someone upset by not giving a damn.  Say the wrong thing.  Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes.  Stop giving a damn so much.  Call in to work and have a fun day.  BREAK THE RULES, BREAK THE RULES, BREAK THE RULES.  ONLY URANUS CAN SET YOU FREE.   

COOKIES...the Secret to LIFE

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I like Taoism.  It just flows so natural as water flows or as the wind blows.   It really does have all the answers.  Even the secret to life...I found this cool tidbit on a forum and had to share.

How does a Daoist aim to live? As we age, society changes us; it attempts to educate us in its image. As good Daoists we must resist this. We must retain that part of us that is still child-like, that part of us that is deep inside and still filled with the wonder of life. The  Daoists call this the “uncarved block” or pu (this is the pun that Benjamin Hoff is using in his Tao of Pooh). The reference is to a living tree, which is then cut down and carved into a table or a chair. We would certainly say that a chair is more useful to us than a tree, but which is happier? We are like that tree, we have been carved into a chair by society, which is happier, we as we have been formed by society, or as we were before we were "carved?"

Pu is like a child. Do children (2-3 year olds) want a 40” plasma television, or an expensive sports car?

No, children want cookies. Daoists don’t want televisions or cars, they want cookies.

Our modern capitalist society has told us that cars, and cell phones, and high pressure jobs will make us happy, but Daoists know that this is a lie. Only the simple pleasures are worthwhile—and cookies may add a few pounds, but will probably not imprison us in dead end, high stress, heart attack producing jobs or saddle us with enormous debts that we can never hope to pay off.

So there you are Jedi Trainees...for get the IPAD, get some cookies.

FREE PARKING...Stay a While...Stay Forever

Image by frankdpix via FlickrMonopoly is a game I've always liked. It was much better than that game called LIFE.  Monopoly was and still is the most played board game and they even have an online version.

Even though everyone wanted to land on places like Board Walk or Park Place to become rich and powerful.  For me the square I really liked was Free Parking.

It was a simple square holding its own against the other corner squares of GO, GO TO JAIL, and JAIL.  Free Parking was like a little refuge in the middle of the wheeling and dealing going on in the game.  The rules I played with said you could stay there for up to three or four turns.  So you were safe for a little while.  Sometimes there was even a big POT of CASH and that was more of the icing on the cake.

These days life is just so busy and there is so much of it. I've been experiencing OVERLOAD.  So it dawned on me that I need to go to FREE PARKING.  Just a little spot to sit and park and watch the sun set for a while.  Free Parking is a magical place filled with nothing and its quiet.  Hmmmm...sounds so nice....and the cool thing about free parking is the free COOKIES.

Letting Go of the Crap...Simplify

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I've decided to cut a lot of crap from my life.  The stuff that I don't need that is just taking too much time from my life.  Got to simplify, get back to life, back to reality, get out of this virtual world.

It's not about producing, its about living, having a story to tell at the end of the journey.  What did you see besides faces and names in the facebook.  Did you sing a song, did you get dance a little, did you throw the ball around, chase the freesbie, run with the dog.  Yeah this is real life.  The way things were.

Saturn Uranus Opposition July 26, 2010

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 This is the last of five Saturn and Uranus Oppositions.  The last one had a really big effect on me and really threw my life for loop.  I changed.  It forced me to change. It forced me to become something different, a stronger, more sure me.

This last one has come and gone...well it will last for a bit, but nothing crazy today. Just finally finished a project I had conceptualized about six or seven months ago.  That seems to be the way I do things. I come up with the idea, gather some or all the parts needed for the project then put them aside and go and start something else.  Then later when I feel the time is right I get the stuff I put aside and finally put it all together.

 My life actually feels like a new...beginning or just the start of journey for I am ready. 

The Simple Things...Where Have They Gone.

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I was at work the other just remembering doing this as a kid.  Sitting in the grass looking up at the sky watching the clouds go by.
Does anyone still do this with all the technology around.
I went out today and was in love with the sun. It was about six when it started going down and I was getting a little sad because the day was going away.

The simple things where have they gone.  I think I want to return to this. To a more organic life, a more organic state where people go out for coffee sometimes, sit and play checkers, write with a pencil and paper and still use the telephone.

 

STAR WORDS...AND THEIR WORD POWER

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In the age of technology there is nothing more powerful than words. The perfect set of words can make success while a poor choice of words can bring failure.

The MEDIA MARKETING MACHINE seems to always have a star word. This is a word that get adopted by companies trying to sell stuff. A good example is GREEN. Going Green, everybody is so you can buy this computer because its Green, eat at this restaurant because its gone Green, buy these close, watch this movie, drink this water because yes everyone its Green and Green is good for you and me.

Another is SMART. There are SMART phones, SMART technology, SMART cars, and reading the paper today i realized there is also SMART water, which is only purified tap water, so how can it be so smart unless maybe the company selling is pretty smart for selling something you can get for free at home.
WORDS have connotations,

• Connotation is a subjective cultural and/or emotional coloration in addition to the explicit or denotative meaning of any specific word
• 
  

which is well nothing more than a made up belief or opinion about a word. I was reading an article about digital cameras and the author was trying to explain how the concept of a professional camera is wrong, that these are nothing more than STAR words, Power words used in marketing to create different classes of merchandise. When in fact any digital SLR in the market these days is hundred times more powerful than film cameras of yesterday with all their technological features. But by creating labels of Professional, Semi Professional, Advanced Enthusiast, Amateur, Beginner, well companies can sell more cameras which many are basically the same camera with a few more or less options than the other.

But the word PROFESSIONAL

• A professional is a member of a vocation founded upon specialised educational training.
• The word professional traditionally means a person who has obtained a degree in a professional field. The term professional is used more generally to denote a white collar working person, or a person who performs commercially in a field typically reserved for hobbyists or amateurs.

really jumps off the page doesn't it. Its a word of Power that has a very strong Connotation because we are so used to Professionals to do things for us. When we ache we want a professional to heal us. In education we want a Professional to enlighten us. So this is a very familia word that ensures quality.

But when you are buying something these hidden labels can really blind, confuse, mislead people to purchasing something they don't really need OR miss out on buying something that is good and differnty but not considered PROFESSIONAL or WONDERFUL or SMART or GREEN.

The CONSOLATION PRIZE...The BETTER PRIZE

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I recently watched and episode of Pokemon where Ash battled a gym leader and lost. Ash was disappointed but being very strong willed and determined he did not give up. Instead he went on a small retreat with his Pokemon and began a special type of training using nature’s energy that let the Pokemon senses become stronger enabling them to out think their opponents in battle. Almost like developing their sixth sense. In the end there was a rematch with the gym leader and this time Ash won.

When things don’t happen like we want them to, we get upset and feel bad because we wanted them to happen. We had a preconceived idea of how wonderful something was going to be. The PRIZE....Oh I didn’t get to hang out with my friends so I missed out on all the fun. Or I didn't get the job I wanted. I didn't get the car I wanted. I didn't get the house I wanted.

The prize at the end of the tunnel is full of seduction. But maybe that prize is just not meant for us and sometimes there is a better prize than the thing we want. IT'S THE CONSOLATION PRIZE.

You know...what behind door number two sort of thing. and well there is always a consolation prize.

The consolation prize can be tons more valuable than the prize itself because the consolation prize offers greater opportunity for growth. If we did not get what we wanted we can look at ourselves and ask are we good enough, do we have the skills. If not we can work on these.

We can also ask am I conforming to smaller standards than who I am. Like fitting a square peg in a round hole it just won't work. I see this a lot in cooking shows where there will be a chef who's food is not accepted because it's too different. It isn't that this chef is a failure its more that he just doesn't fit into the set of parameters of the cooking show's judging. He might start a restaurant somewhere and be very successful because of his different cooking style. He might even become a world renown Chef because his failure led him to take a cooking class in a foreign country that led him to gain more knowledge and experience, and this would not had happened had he won or succeeded earlier in his journey. This is the consolation Prize which in the end is can be the better Prize.

Had Ash won the first battle, he would have never developed his new skills and would not have grown. Life isn't always about winning, its about growing. When things don't happen like you want them to or you don't win the Prize you should ask yourself do you need some growth in some area of your life.

There are many things that I have wanted to to and be in life but when attempted to do them I either failed or was never recognized and I began to think there was something wrong with me. But no those things were just not meant to happen and now I realize how lucky I am that all those things never happened. It is hard to clearly see the benefit of failure when it happens but later you can say well because I failed I was able to do this and this led to that and now I am here somewhere I never planned on but the view is nice...oh so very very nice..

FIND YOUR VOICE...SAY WHAT U WANNA SAY

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I've reached a point in my creative fun where I feel that my work should say something. It started out with some fireworks pictures I took on the 4th of July. I realized how a photo can really tell a story and if you add some words to it it really can get the message across very powerfully.

But lately I've simply been creating an experiment and I wonder if i should be more focused about what what I want things to say. After all that is the essence for all ART not necessarily creative for that is something else but ART says something.

A while back i wonderED what was the purpose of my writing. I guess it's the help the human condition. To share an experience or insight that someone else can use. But we live in the age of the Internet and insight and enlightenment is only a few key stokes away. But not all information is the same.

I still remember the first time i read a Robinson Crusoe. It was a book that expressed how i truly felt in high school. Like a castaway. And it made me feel powerful, like I was not alone with my feeling and thoughts because somewhere out there someone thought and felt the same.. Through his troubles and problems I got insight into mine. I had a freind in the pages.

So what message am I sending out by what I create. Does it matter maybe not right now, but everything says something even if a person isn't aware of it. For me the doing and the enjoyment of the doing has always been more important than the end product. For I truly enjoy the doing. So I guess it doens't really matter...

SUCCESS IS A REACTION OF AN ACTION

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“Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that whats meant to be will always find a way to come about.”

To have things happen in our lives we have first put things into action. You plant corn seeds in the spring and reap corn cobs in the fall. It just doesn't magically happen there needs to be an action...(you planting corn seeds)...with a reaction...(the corn cobs growing).

Sometimes people can get so passive, only wishing things will happen like in some magical story book. And though things that are meant to happen will happen if we put the right effort and work effectively, but nothing will happen if we simply do nothing. For making things happen is a two step process. First you think about it, then you do it. Somehow we can get lost in the first part and then wait for it to happen and well, we can find ourselves waiting for a very long time.

But what keeps us from acting....
Sometimes it hidden fear, sometimes it procrastination and sometimes i think its perhaps something that I don't really want at all. Maybe its just something that I think I want or need but deep down inside it really isn't all that important to me. So I just don't act which really is an action after all. I choose not to act because I just don't want it.

But in order to acheive any type of success a person must act. Because
SUCCESS IS A REACTION OF AN ACTION..  Which can be stated by the laws of physics Newton said...Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction ...So if you wanna win you have participate in the game. Maybe you won't win on the first try but you just keep playing and getting better and eventually your action will lead to successful reactions.

LICENSE TO FAIL...Learn to get it Wrong.

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As we get older people become more adamant about not doing things wrong. In fact its normal and necessary to strive for perfection in many adult scenarios, for instance if you have to go in for surgery, you definitely don't want a guy who just gets by, by doing things half assed doing your surgery.

But I think in art things are different. Art is like play. You do something and well if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't, no one is going to die. But as we go around doing or trying to do everything perfect in our lives, trying to stay within the lines on the freeway so we don't hit another car beside us, well when it comes to creativity we forget to let ourselves to do it wrong till we get it right. I think many of us quit before ever giving ourselves a chance to fail many times till we get it right or simply create a new way of doing things never done before.

Fear of failure, fear of looking foolish, fear of not being accepted. Well who cares. You need a License to get it wrong. A License to fail in life and maybe only then can you succeed.  Unlearn what you've learned and Learn to do it wong.

The FACE of GOD...the FACE of GAGA

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Recently everywhere on the web I see pictures of Lady Gaga. I don't know this person, don't think I have ever heard her music and I'm actually in no rush to either. But it seems to me there every generation needs a hero, I had them when I was younger and I'm sure Lady Gaga is a hero to many out there these days.

But with all these heroes out there being massed marketed by the media, is the need for these Heroes or Idols simply because we no longer have God in our lives. Perhaps we simply want a god with a better face and a better body...who knows.


But I know for time Marylin Manson was all the rage. Before him it was Brad Pitt and George Clooney and well Brittany Spears. But are these false prophets simply there to replace the invisible image of God what ever you think god might be...for some he is Allah others he's Jehova and still others he's a Cow.

This is our new religion. Worship of the star and everyone is a star these days just go on Youtube. So what do I think

We live in a society where media thrives. When you think of all the technology out there...the internet, cellphones, smart phones and everything else you will see that these are nothing more than channels of communication. I think all this just feeds people's addictions. People become addicted to information and being the age of Aquarius which deals with advancement in technology an information this is the new drug.

So who's next for mass marketing and generation income for media driven corporations. Who's the next big star that will sell hard copies and virtual copies and make people log on to the .COM to generate income for companies. Who will be the most down loaded person on the net. Who knows but from what I see it really doesn't matter. These things are just things to get excited about. They are new and they fill a need and void for a generation of people that seems hollow and empty with new real identigy of its own. These generation seems to borrow more from the past that any other generation...look at all the movie remakes. What was wrong with the Original Karate Kid...nothing. What's wrong with the new one...everything. Its not even karate he's learning, its kung fu.

The people being sold these days are not Bob Dylon protesting the Vietnam WAr. It isn't Bruce Springstien singing about the Cold WAR. It isn't Martin Luther King preaching about Freedom and Equality for a whole segregated group of society. No...its Lady Gaga. Hmmmmm. The new face of a hero..from her pictures I see she is hot and we have become an extremely visual society. Everything is visual even music these days. Though I believe I have read where she's into cuases about things...in the end she is there to be used like joint. Passed around till there is nothing left of her then the Media will do everything to make hamburger of her on her way down.

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Seeing the Truth...A cat is a illuion

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Where ever we go, what ever we do, who ever we meet our minds are always categorizing things. We see people and our minds has no real clue about who they are what they are like but it categorizes them and puts a value on them.

But this causes a false reality for we don't really know what people are like, it would take time to get to know them and see what they are really like but most of us don't have the time or just don't care so we settle for the easy and distorted and hidden idea of what is. Sometimes its truth, sometimes its fantasy, sometimes its a lie.

A cat is a cat. What is a cat.

A furry little animal that has claws and goes meow. Sure that is what our minds me see when we hear the word cat. But a Lion is cat, a tiger is cat, a leopard and a cheetah are cats and do they fit in that definition of cat. No

For me, I have issues with seeing reality or a true reality as my sense of reality is always hidden in some weird fantasy world for good and for bad. In astrology they call it the twelfth house ruled by Pisces which is the sign of self undoing. Self undoings are things we do that self sabotage our welfare, our purpose, our plans, our goals and our dreams. All my life I have been living in this weird watery world and perhaps have seen things that were not really there.

like a sausage: you might like the taste of it, but you don't necessarily want to see how it's made.

For me...I had not seen the truth in the way things are. For me when I was a teen I wanted to be a rock star. Loved the idea of it but was hidden from the truth. Sure bands look so cool on MTV singing and making videos. Making lots of money and having the best time of their lives but when you learn the truth its kind of like making sausage. The truth is there are millions of musical groups out there and the only reason some bands make and others date has to do with A talent but mostly B does someone out here feel and believe they can make money off them.

This is how the music business work. You have a band trying to make it. Meaning you ahve some musical act who is trying to create a following to sell record and become a successful band that makes money. But to do that they have to convince a record company to record them and distribute their music all over the world for people to buy. If the company does not see potential then the Band will not get signed. If the band has potential then the band gets signed the company markets the band's music they sell many records of which the band doesn't make hardly any money. They make music videos and create buzz and publicity till they get a following that will pay big bucks to see the band live. This is where musical groups make their money. On the road. That is why so many of them tour for so long they need to make the dough.

For me I am starting to see the truth in things. The truth in people. Everyday we go around like I said before labeling and categorizing people. Our brain does this to make us feel safe that we are around familiar. It helps keep our sense of reality intact. But Hidden somewhere in that illusion of what is is the truth and you may not like it when you see it.

For me the biggest lie is Romantic Love. I don;t mean its not wonderful its just not as wonderful as its been portrayed in every book, TV show, Movie and magazine ever created. Love, Marriage is a lot of work. That is why so many people get divorced they realize the truth after all the illusion has fallen away and theya re faced with reality. Another human who burps, farts, gets sick, and has demands that can not be fulfilled. In the end it isn't a happy ending so much as what the fuck did I do and shit its too late to get out.

Seeing reality is helping me a little for I don't put people on pedestals as much anymore. I also don't feel so badly about myself because I know that just like I lie to myself about how wonderful others are I am lying to myself about how horrible I am.

People are people and I think my not seeing who they really are we are limiting our experiences, our potential. In business let me tell you how many business opportunities get passed up on because business or should i say sales people will look at a person and decided whether to help them or now. Bad move for you never know who has money and who doesn't anymore. I've walked in to many stores looking like a bum and received no help only to go and buy it online because why should I spend my hard earned money supporting people who don't give me the time of die.

Learn to see the truth and see through the lie of our minds and perhaps you will find a better reality to live in.

TROLLS

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Trolls are unhappy people. They are all around us and most of the time we don't have to deal with them But when we work with them that is a different story. There is nothing you can do to make a troll happy. Trolls have to have it their way. Trolls are so unhappy in life that all they live for is to make others unhappy too. The sad thing is Trolls don't know they are like this and they would never change even if they did.

I remember reading the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff as a child. The story was that three Billy Goats were on a journey and they came across a bridge that was guarded but a troll. HERE'S THE STORY

The story introduces three male goats, sometimes identified in the story as youngster, father and grandfather, but more often described as brothers. There is no grass left for them to eat nearest to where they live, so they must cross a river to get to a "sæter" (a shieling) or hillside on the other side of a stream in order to eat and get fat. To do so, they must first cross a bridge, under which lives a fearsome troll who eats any who pass that way. The littlest billy goat is the first to cross and is immediately stopped by the troll who threatens to "gobble him up!" The little goat convinces him to wait for the bigger billy goat to come across because he is larger and more gratifying as a feast. The greedy troll agrees and lets the smallest goat cross. The middle goat sees that the youngest one has crossed and reaches the conclusion that the bridge must be safe after all, but is also stopped by the troll and given the same threat. The second billy goat is allowed to cross as well after he tells the troll to wait for the biggest billy goat because he will have the most meat. The third billy goat makes to cross the bridge, and is stopped by the hungry troll. When the troll gets up on the bridge however, the third billy goat is so big, that he easily throws the troll into the stream with his horns and crosses the bridge. From then on the bridge is safe, and all three goats are able to go to the rich fields around the summer farm in the hills. They all live happily ever after.

Life sure does have its share of trolls doesn't it. These are people in your life that create trouble for you. I had a issue with a lead the other day. He came to me and a another co worker and starting yelling at us to get to work. He was simply treating us like garbage. Not only was this a sign of disrespect but it was also a sign of lack of appreciation for our hard work.

The other Coworker left with her tail between her legs but I stood my ground. I felt like this big Billy Goat that had to put his head down and throw the troll off the bridge. I think something had come over me as I realized how much of my life I have simply put my head down and walked away with my tail between my legs. That many times I failed to stand up for myself just to keep the peace and often times I was the who felt they had done wrong. Not this time. Don't get me wrong I like my job but you know being treated with disrespect and like an animal was not int he job description and yes it's hard to find work right now, but really, do I want to work for a company that doesn't appreciate its workers. Maybe not.

A lifetime of making others happy can make a person feel insignificant. I had come to crossroads that day. Do I make myself happy or do I make the lead happy. That is the question isn't . Do we allow ourselves to be happy or do we simply give up our ideals, values, and what not to please others. Well my freind, I have been pleasing others all my life and I was feeling guilty for wanting to please me. I think have pleased other all my life I was not accustomed to being comfortable pleasing me and perhaps I can only be happy if I am pleasing others. That is something I have to break. Sure there are times when we want to please others but there are times when we really should please ourselves.

After that moment I felt upset and angry and it lasted for a few hours and it affected my work. Listen when there is a job that is stressful Trolls can make it worse. But for once in my life I was proud and happy with myself for not backing down and for not feeling that I was wrong. For I was not wrong. I was doing my job and if they have issues with it then a manager should come and talk to me not this flunky. Trust me no manager would talk to me that way if they did they might find themselves working in Alaska somewhere as the company doesn't tolerate harassment nor discrimination.

I am learning to stand up for myself and its feels scary and new. I'm not use to it. For most of my life all i have done is self sacrifice who I am, what I believe in just to make others happy. I had to do when I was a child with my parents, I did with my friends always sacrificing who I was and what I liked and wanted to make them happy. Not anymore I guess. I know perhaps this is not wise considering the state of the economy but there's all this talk of Saturn in Libra dealing with find balance and fairness in all types of relationships even business relationships. I might lose it all. I might lose my job, my house, my what ever but maybe in the end I will find me and starting living a different kind of life. A good one where I get to please me.

CHOOSE YOUR LIFE

Trainspotting

John Hodge

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?


RENTON: I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin?

Mark Renton in the movie TRAINSPOTTING chose not to choose but he did choose. He chose escapism rather than living in the real world.

Every day we make choices even when we don't think we are making them. We go about our lives living in automatic. We wake up, eat, shit shower, get dressed, go to work, eat lunch, have a smoke, come home, eat, drink, have sex, go to bed, and wake up the next day and do it all over again. This is the life we choose to live, and often times we are living our lives unconcously that it makes us feel trapped and weak until you learn to see that you are the designer of your life. And that you are making these choices yourself even if you don't know you are.

For instance you have a choice...go to work or go to the beach or just stay home and do nothing. But facing the reality that we have bills in life and we may want to go on vacation someday and do stuff...we choose to go to work whether we are tired, burnt out or what ever.

Choosing your life can also be overwhelming. Think about it, many of us like the idea of having the boss' salary...he gets the big bucks... but many of us don't want the responsibility of the job. Actually making conscious choices in your life takes a lot of work and when you make a bad choice there is hell to pay...well sometimes...and you can't blame the outside world for being fat, for getting fired, for getting a girl pregnant when you were planning on hitting the road with the band, for simply fucking it up. No we like to fuck up our lives and blame someone else. I landed in prison but it isn't my fault its the government, its my family, its the outside world where i lived in, its my bad neighborhood.

Most of us going around feeling tired and weak and depressed from living in automatic. But actually coming to terms with life and choosing to live consciously can be rewarding. It gives us the power to choose, it gives us the idea that we have options. "Hey I don't have to stay at this stinking job. I don't have to to stay in this stinking relationships, hey I don't have to pay this stupid bill anymore cause I'm making a choice to file bankruptcy." Feeling that you are in charge of your life makes it easier to live life sometimes. I'm choosing to go to work. No body made me be here, I am saying out loud that I choose to go to work. I choose to do my job. I choose to get through the day because that is what I'm choosing to do and no one can take that away from you or me or them.

So make an effort everyday for the most part of it to live consciously, choose to live your life the way you want no and you will begin to fee a lust for life.

IF YOU DON'T EVOLVE...YOU DIE

Image by Ecoagriculture Partners via Flickr

Are you Evolving...in what ever you do.

No matter what you do, you evolve. Its the nature of everything in life. Things are
born and they grow and they change and they evolve and then reach a point where they can't evolve anymore and then they die.

SO IF YOU DON'T EVOLVE...YOU DIE.

I heard the edge talking about the U2 sound evolving, going in a different and new directions. Doing things new, things they haven't done before, going in a direction that might mean the end because if they stay in the same place they might wind up dead anyway.

So as in any art, romance, relationship or just a living thing, we must and will evolve. Looking at my photography I can see how far I've come from my starting point. From taking pictures, to the newer equipment that I'm using, to the way I process pictures and take them a new place, it is all part of the evolution.

So where do I go now...Perhaps a direction I have not been before or just a direction no one has been before so it might not even be understood yet. I did something a little different this last shoot I had. I turned pictures blue, some red and some white. It really did give something new for I've not seen anyone do this.

I was working with the creatively flow. I also used the LAB color space which really did make the color pop. These are new direction I'm going in. So what else could I do with the camera. Is there any way to ad distortion, make the pictures more beautiful, more ugly, is there only one way to see thing, how can it be seen differently how can it change or evolve and be new.

When I first started processing pictures I used Photo-shop 7 then CS2 and now I use Light-room. When I first started I would only shoot Jpeg now I shoot J peg or RAW. I use RAW when I really need the quality and the resolution. Other direction I have gone to are doing HDR and now I am actually Merging HDR photographs with regular ones and simply layering and using the parts I like in each to create a realistic but also dream like pictures with much detail and dynamic range.

Staying alive in any relationship even a relationship with creativity involves the new. The new direction, something and somewhere the artist has never been before. Perhaps even doing something no one has done before and well it may not been enjoyed and liked by the masses but somewhere out there, someone will get it.

More than One Horse in your Stable

I was watching an awesome documentary last night called IT MIGHT GET LOUD. Its a film about three famous guitar players. Jimmy Page from Led Zepplin, Edge from U2, and Jack White from the White stripes.

Out the three I am a big fan of the Edge. I think he is amazing, though I'm not taking anything away from Jimmy Page because I know he has been such an influential musician to the world. But he was way before my time. The Edge was there when I was growing up, when music mattered, though it still mattered, but music always means more when you are a teenager.



In the photography field, and probably more than any other field people are very proud of their name brand cameras. This person shoots with a Canon, this one with a Nikon, that one Pentax, and this here a Sony and an Olympus. It becomes such an exclusive club of people toting their cameras proudly with their big lenses. But when you look at these machines we carry around our necks are nothing but tools. Just like a guitar is a tool for these three musicians in the documentary. But what is surprising real about these musicians is that they have more than one guitar. They are not set in stone on only using a Fender or a Gibson or Rickenbacker or what ever. No they have a stable of guitars each with its unique ability and and unique sounds and well to me that is what a photographer should have, a stable of cameras.

Each Camera has a strength and a weakness. Each camera has a unique way of capturing the world. Some are more vivid, some are more sharp, some a faster, some have better detail. Some are weather sealed and can be used in the rain. So since these are tools for either capturing moments in time, or creating art, as artist or simply creative people it would benefit us to have more than one type of camera at our disposal from many brands. Just like each guitar making a unique sound, each camera will produce pictures in a totally different way.

The Give and Take...

With the energy of Saturn going in to Libra the time has come where we must all question our relationships. Are they balanced, are they fair, are we getting as much as we are giving and are we giving as much as we are getting.

When things are new, we are filled with so much excitement, so much energy that we usually tend to over give. Just look at every new love relationship people seem to give without any concern in getting, at least for a while. Then when things level off, the well begins to run dry and then you realize things are not all that well. Sometimes I think it would be nice to go back to that day where things are new. As the days get later you realize that once you do too many things there are very few new thing in life left and that kind of sucks.

I've had to question all my relationships now. Not just personal but everything. My relationships to people, to co workers, to family, to food, to music, to TV, to work, to photography, to writing, and the list goes on and on. Are all these relationships in my life draining me or giving me life. Are they beneficial or hurtful.

For me I find myself most drained when I give more then I receive. When I first started doing pictures for people, I would take a good thousand photos and then come home and fix them and give them away for free. Sure at the beginning I was getting a lot of experience but these days I've learn to cut it down to a mere minimum. Maybe five, ten photos if they are good. In the beginning i was getting something for the trouble i was putting in. But these days there are so many other things to do that I can't spend my whole life on things that give me something in return.

So that is what I'm thinking now. Currently what am I getting out of photography. I think I have invested plenty of time, money, energy, heart and soul to it that I really don't need to invest in it anymore. Not for now though I did just buy two new silver umbrellas but that is my last purchase for it. I think instead of planning I should just go out there do it. Take advantage of what comes along and just do it. Take pictures till the very end where the cameras start falling a part and then there will justification for investing in it again. But simply to put more and more into something that doesn't give back well that is nothing more than a money pit. Not a very good relationship.

Consistency the Hobgoblin of little minds....

Image via Wikipedia

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.


One of the few quotes that I still remember from high school English class. One of the things that I find with me is things are always evolving and at times it can be a bit puzzling and scary for if I create something part of me wants to keep it the way it is and part of me wants to transform it, change it, make it evolve.

Like this blog for instance. This blog came about as I was writing about stuff other than photography on my photoblog. After a while i came to realize that my photoblog was A not a place for philosophizing and figuring things out and venting my emotions and B that I needed a new forum to write. So I created this new blog.

the new blog seemed a little vacant but then I simply imported my older posts from my photoblog that had nothing to do with photography into this one and viola, my blog is new, but full of many posts from before.

Even my Photography blog is changing and well for me its hard to keep things the same for I am always evolving and I am always pushing the envelope and in some way.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

When was the last time you did something perfectly? I propose that you have never done anything perfectly in your life and you never will. Think for a moment... could what you think you have done perfectly been improved on in some way or manner, and made a little more perfect, or a little bit better? Obviously the answer is 'yes.'

This is my new philosophy in life though I'm not a very consistent person so I don't plan on doing this right, in fact I plan on doing this rather poorly, which i guess would be doing it right after all.

This principle is also a principle in Taoism called WUWei which means action with action or action with strife which means doing things without any concern of the out come. Which is exactly what doing things poorly means.

When trying to do thing right, or perfect, or up to standard (and just who's standards are up thing to live up to anyway because for the majority of us, our standards, likes and dislikes are not owned behaviors and beliefs but simply something that was given to us by mom and dad, our friends, our loved ones, the TV, the internet, the magazines, the commercialism and Media of our society. In psychology they call this interjected beliefs. We all have them. Some of them are useful like not touching fire. You don't have to run a scientific experiment to prove or disapprove that touching fire will burn you, all someone has to do is put the bliefe in you and its done.

But for all of us who buy into the belief that making mistakes is wrong, that doing things poorly is wrong, that we have to get it right, we have to get it perfect, and we have to do it on the first time well guess what, you are wrong.

By not putting so much pressure on what you do and simply do them in a relaxed manner then you are free to be more creative and really enjoy what you are doing rather than killing yourself or worse yet freezing up and not be able to do what you want to do at all.

This is how i lived my whole creative life. Writing books and stories was something that i wanted to do but perfectionism would never let me get passed the idea stage. I have always compared myself to others. Always believing what the books tell you, you have to be the best. Well this striving to be the best killed my darlings. It killed my passion to write and enjoy writing, it killed my love and passion for music, and well it hasn't gotten to my photography just yet but sometimes I feel it creeping up on me.